I received another comment from Chris today...

How?, Today is my birthday. I feel drained, stretched to the point of snapping. There was a brief moment earlier i thought i was about to go over the edge, i could feel the panic and turmoil inside surge into my head and i really thought i was going to lose it. Why is the root of my problem about money, i work for a living, claim only the help i am allowed and still am sinking in the human soup pot. I feel i have been a bad role model for my boys and know there has been a price paid for the slow destruction of my home life, i carry this guilt like a lump in my throat. I feel i could easily fall apart if i think about what i feel i have done to my sons lives. Fortunatly they have been hidden from the real position im in but thats about to change as the reality of my life is about to shape there future. Help me how, i am not stupid in the sense that i think talking is going to affect my situation, it will at best relieve the pressure for as long as it takes me to glance at the cresent moon in the sky or for as long as it takes me to cry when everyone else is sleeping. The cold reality soon pokes me in the stomach, brings back the sick feeling of failure and guides my mind to make the hard choice for what i suppose is the selfish need to escape. I in a twisted way am enjoying this chance to let you have a part of me in this mail, it feels comforting to me all though i cant say why.

My Response:

I’m sorry its your birthday, and that your at the point where you want to snap. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and that there is a reason you are here, and that our life events make us stronger as a person to handle the things we need to take care of. I know your life is bad right now. I have been there, I have struggled to make my family have the best situation possible, and I have robbed peter to pay paul. Let me ask you this, did you raise your children to believe that material things are what matter. Do you want to be there for your sons when they need their dad in their lives, who will teach them to fish, or golf, or baseball, or who will teach them to drive their first car. Who will show them how to be a man? I just thought i would let you take a moment to think of what would happen if you leave your family, and 2 or 3 years down the road your wife is in a situation where she needs you most. What if one of your children is really really sick, who will carry her to keep her strong-when she needs you most. You are not perfect, you are expected to make mistakes but how can your wife be your wife and support you if you wont open up to her and let her know whats going on. There are many place that will help you financially, credit counseling that is non profit, non profit agencies, christian charities. There are always other options. How much do you need? Maybe I can help you.
I just want to leave you with something that I wrote to think about…

YOU

Every night when I’m lying here in bed
I think of memories I want to share with you
And million thoughts run through my head.
You.

You were the first man in my life,
The one I prayed for every night.
And tonight I’m thinking of…
You

And I hope that you’re thinking of me to.
And I want you to know that I do pray for you every single day
For your safety, for your hurt, for your guidance
I pray…

Because I love you,
and it doesn’t matter that we’ve never met,
I love you,
That’s the feelings that I always get,
I love you.
You

You’re the reason why I carry on,
You’re the reason why I lift my head,
When my days and nights seem forever long
You.

You are the reason why I stay so strong
You.

And one of these days when I least expect to see your face,
One of theses days,
God will point me in your way
And finally after searching for many years
all the worry, and all the fear,
Will suddenly just disappear,

Gone,
But not you…
You will always be here by my side,
Holding my hand,
My heart,
Making me feel alive.

It is You…
You were the first man in my heart,
The one I prayed for every night.
While I was laying there in the dark,