More response from a heart that is hurting..

So far but at the same time standing right next to one another. Please pray for a cause that can bring you satisfaction, not for me as i will only dissapoint. I have been going through my story, its been a journey but every tale has an end. Some straight forward some not so. I have no reason to feel like a coward but will understand if it seems that way. When darkness is suffocating, enveloping making it seem that your looking at life from a tunnel then nothing seems to make sense. I am more than aware what i am about to do will have a devastating effect on the people close to me but feel comforted in the knowledge that there are people who will come together in a way that would never be possible otherwise. I have no fear within myself and feel a sad comfort in the knowledge my story will soon be just that. Rememberd in tales of good times to those who hold such thoughts dear, may even give more of a comfort to them than i can in life. I am tired of my life and know there is no chance of relief. I feel so emotionaly drained, but have become an expert at diverting the focus of my darkness from others. I am living a lie, going through the motions when i can see that the train is about to come off the rails. I appologise to you, i mean that more than these words can say. I have put my burden in words that you have read, i feel i should not have done that to you. You said you think i was here for for a reason, our paths crossed for a purpose. I feel i have made another mistake. I had no right to trouble you. Please dont worry for me, you never know, i might get a last minuite reprive. No more verse to ponder, i feel my time is coming to check out. Again i feel calm in the knowledge that my journey is coming to an end, i have almost conceeded the fact of even trying to beg for help as i feel the disgusting obscene greed of people blinds them to the plight of others and the caring society is a value no longer valid today. My name is Chris, thank you for your time and thank you for the fact you took the time to even talk to me. One last thing, you may be insulted by this but do you know of any charity where you are that would help a family in another country. It is a strange concept but we are supposed to live in hope.

My Response:
Are you scared? I am scared for you, have you thought about the process, do you know what method your going to use? Have you visualized the days that will follow with your family? By doing this is it going to relieve your wife of the stress of the bills that you have incurred? It not my business, and you have no reason to tell me, but I am curious? In the united states there are many agencies here that help, I will have to do some checking about helping other countries. Kiva-loans that change lives, I belong to that group, check it out and see if its even an option for you, I’m not sure that it is. Don’t apologize to me, there’s not a reason to, I am but just one person who is walking this life with you. You hold no value to me, I’m not going to morn when you die, I’m not going to cry…you my dear are out of my control. Besides,its not your body that I’m praying for, its your soul-which lives on forever, and your family, who will need the prayers before they even know it. One day, but not in this life time we will meet, that I am sure of, and when I reach out to hold your hand, you will know who I am.
Would you share with me what your world is like? What is your wife like, how old is she, how old are you? What kind of hearts do your children have. Is the place that you live in beautiful? Are you by the ocean? I live in the middle of the US. Surrounded by fields of corn, and small trees. Its quiet here, and I love the country-it brings me peace. My children are my life, I live for their laughter, I have a daughter and a son. Nine and four. I don’t mind talking to you, and if you like I would continue to do so until you no longer wish. My emial is --------------, and by now you have probably figured my name is Staci.