I woke up this morning with this overwhelming sense of comfort, today was going to be a good day, because tomorrow is going to be even better. In my years of being a mother, a (past) wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, I have lost the part of just being me...and I think I'm finally starting to find her...and you know what I've realized...I like her. I really like her, She can be fun. And she is smart, and caring, and she loves her children, and she's beginning to like the quiet moments more and more, they are not too hard to handle. I think discovering me, is going to be better then I thought. I have been single now for almost 6 weeks. Completely by myself with out him around for 4, but really we were headed out the first weeks in September, it just took us that long to get there... I loved him with everything I had, everything I could love him with for a whole year, and it wasn't enough...it wasn't enough for him to love me back with everything he had...and I can't settle for that any longer...my life is too important to me to not let that take importance in it. So in the beginning, I was thinking...I'm in search again...I have to find him...where is he???? But now I'm beginning to realize...I don't need to find him. HE NEEDS TO FIND ME!!! So I've quit looking. I'm not looking any longer. Staci is going to be Staci with out the stereotype of always LOOKING, and choosing the wrong ones. I am going to let it happen, not because I forced it, or because I was in search of it, or because I pushed it, Its going to happen because it is meant to happen, not because my lifes not complete with out it, but because it's not complete without me. And I'm sure one of these days when i least expect to see his face, He will find me....what a luck man he will be, because damn if I haven't realized in the last few months, I am a good catch! And you know the ones who are usually trying to catch the good ones, usually know how to take care of them too...
So with Gods grace, my patience; that I'm now finding, and the love of my children-my life is moving on. A learning experience, a love that wasn't wasted, and a journey that doesn't end here...
I got a letter today, not from my letter project, but from a friend....and in the letter in the end it said...
"There are bird tracks, and nothing in the sky,
Bird tracks between you and I."
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